Sleepless

So, the Blasko tour is over and I am back to a semi-normal unemployed life. It has been a series of ups and downs to be honest. I am taking like a duck to water with the prospect of doing nothing all day, but as a consequence a whole week has gone by with virtually nothing achieved.

I arose this morning (after a night of insomnia, anxiety and absolute panic) with the intention to work out what the BEJESUS I am going to do when I get to Europe in a week. Again, I am a little concerned about money since I have less cash than I would desire at the start of a month long overseas trip. Another concerning factor is that I have turned into an incredibly needy and indecisive human being since finishing the tour with Seja. I can only put this down to the fact that I have not been alone for more than 5 weeks and have rarely had to make a decision for myself.

The thought of being on my own is nothing short of utterly terrifying, and being alone in a country where I don't speak the language..... oh my.

This hopelessness is not something that I like admitting to. I am generally a strong, confident and independent young woman, but my recent underlying fragility is permeating my subconscious.

That said, I'm sure everything will work out. I have travelled solo before with no problems. I just need to get on top of things and work out a plan. I am certain that this sudden neurosis is purely due to my tendency to procrastinate, my relaxed approach to planning this overseas jaunt and my incredible knack for being directionlessly unemployed.

Responsibilities. I forget how to do that already.

Another note about being unemployed... I have now officially turned into one of those arseholes that forgets that the larger percentage of the population has to work. What do you mean you can't drink with me tonight? Oh you have to 'work' tomorrow. Coffee today? Oh, you are at 'work'. I even put my foot in it (royally) the other night when I announced in front of a group of friends that "Full time jobs are for jerks", which was met with a stony silence and a bemused disapproval while I realised that every one of them was a full timer. GAH.